http://bobzima.com/the-bob-blogBLOG RSSThu, 15 Jan 2026 16:59:08 GMTThu, 15 Jan 2026 16:59:08 GMThttp://bobzima.com/the-bob-blog/give-your-brain-a-bone-or-pretzel-part-2When your brain becomes anxious, stressed, or overwhelmed, it usually wants three things:1. Acknowledge the FearYour brain wants you to recognize what is actually bothering you.Not just: “I’m stressed.” But:“I’m worried about how this meeting could go.”“I’m afraid of failing.”“I’m scared the medical results could change my life.”Naming the fear reduces its power. When we avoid identifying the real concern, our minds keep circling back because the issue feels unresolved.2. IdentifyWed, 27 May 2026 20:26:31http://bobzima.com/the-bob-blog/give-your-brain-a-bone-or-pretzel-part-2http://bobzima.com/the-bob-blog/give-your-brain-a-bone-or-pretzel-part-1I recently realized I’ve trained my dog, Zamboni — a giant Mastiff mix — to expect a reward every time he comes inside.When I call him in from outside, I usually give him a bone. Somewhere along the way, I also started giving him unsalted pretzels while I sat on the couch watching television. Now he expects both.If I walk into the kitchen and leave without giving him a pretzel, he follows me around the house like a furry private investigator. If I forget the bone after he comes inside, heWed, 27 May 2026 20:26:19http://bobzima.com/the-bob-blog/give-your-brain-a-bone-or-pretzel-part-1http://bobzima.com/the-bob-blog/the-killer-dsThere are three things we human beings tend to do that can quickly sidetrack and derail a conversation. Interestingly, all three begin with the letter D: Deflect. Deny. Defend.When conversations become heated or emotionally intense, we often fall into one of these three “Killer D’s.” We deny what the other person is saying. We defend ourselves against their criticism. Or we deflect the conversation away from the uncomfortable ideas and emotions being shared.The moment we feel attacked,Tue, 19 May 2026 18:35:21http://bobzima.com/the-bob-blog/the-killer-dshttp://bobzima.com/the-bob-blog/triple-h-communication-techniqueWhen communicating with someone you love—someone you want to maintain a healthy, effective relationship with, someone you want to build deeper intimacy and connection with, someone you’re deeply attracted to—consider using the Triple H Technique.Triple H stands for three key words you should keep in mind when communicating with someone you care about:HelpHeardHuggedWhen that special person in your life starts talking about something that’s weighing on them—something they’ve been thinkingMon, 18 May 2026 14:36:09http://bobzima.com/the-bob-blog/triple-h-communication-techniquehttp://bobzima.com/the-bob-blog/the-reflect-then-advocate-strategyAre you someone who goes along to get along?Do you agree with people just to avoid unpleasant confrontation?If so, consider yourself pretty sophisticated. Most human beings naturally want to avoid uncomfortable situations.And remember, there’s a world of difference between avoiding something and practicing avoidance. Avoiding can be a deliberate and intentional choice — a thoughtful decision to prevent unnecessary conflict or emotional chaos. Avoidance, on the other hand, is when you stickThu, 14 May 2026 13:45:48http://bobzima.com/the-bob-blog/the-reflect-then-advocate-strategyhttp://bobzima.com/the-bob-blog/elasticity-or-ropeImagine tying a massive boulder to one end of a rope. You grip the other end, then toss the boulder off a bridge into a river far below in a deep canyon. Gravity takes over. The boulder falls fast. As it drops farther and farther, the slack in the rope disappears. Then suddenly, the rope goes tight — and before you know it, you’re being yanked over the side of the bridge, tumbling after the rock. Once that momentum starts, you’re along for the ride.Now imagine the same scenario, but instead ofTue, 12 May 2026 19:13:05http://bobzima.com/the-bob-blog/elasticity-or-ropehttp://bobzima.com/the-bob-blog/the-drive-in-theater-between-your-earsDid you know there’s a drive-in theater wedged between your ears?Inside that private theater, movies are playing all day long—whether you realize it or not. Sometimes what’s showing are coming attractions: previews of things that might happen. These are scenes your imagination creates about the future. Maybe they involve places you’d like to go, experiences you want to have, or people you’d love to meet and spend time with. These coming attractions can take many forms. Some are romanticTue, 12 May 2026 16:50:41http://bobzima.com/the-bob-blog/the-drive-in-theater-between-your-earshttp://bobzima.com/the-bob-blog/mental-health-awareness-starts-with-hooya-therapyMay is Mental Health Awareness Month.These days, every cause seems to have an awareness month, a week, or a colored ribbon attached to it. According to Brown University, Mental Health Awareness Month has been observed every May since 1949. It was established by Mental Health America—formerly known as the National Association for Mental Health—to raise awareness about mental health conditions, reduce stigma, educate the public, and promote treatment and recovery.As a therapist—and as aThu, 07 May 2026 13:01:58http://bobzima.com/the-bob-blog/mental-health-awareness-starts-with-hooya-therapyhttp://bobzima.com/the-bob-blog/the-tell-inform-ask-communication-continuumCommunication is one of the most fundamental human skills we have. Without it, collaboration breaks down. Problem-solving stalls. Relationships suffer. And maybe most importantly—without effective communication, it becomes incredibly difficult to advocate for our own wants, needs, and expectations.In fact, much of the dysfunction people experience in life—the kind that often brings them into therapy—can be traced back to poor communication. If we can’t express what we need, we’re unlikely toThu, 30 Apr 2026 13:41:56http://bobzima.com/the-bob-blog/the-tell-inform-ask-communication-continuumhttp://bobzima.com/the-bob-blog/tell-your-story-and-healAfter you’ve gone through something truly difficult—whether it’s a divorce, a serious medical diagnosis, the loss of a loved one, a layoff, or any life-altering disruption—that experience becomes part of your narrative. It becomes a chapter in the story you carry with you. But the event itself—the drama—is only one part of that story.What often lingers longer is the trauma: the physiological and emotional response that continues to replay in the drive-in theater wedged between your ears. TheWed, 29 Apr 2026 19:46:28http://bobzima.com/the-bob-blog/tell-your-story-and-healhttp://bobzima.com/the-bob-blog/conversation-whack-a-moleHave you ever felt like you were playing whack-a-mole with someone… all night long?Every time you try to collaborate, compromise, or simply plant your flag in the ground—they knock it right back down. No matter what you say, they deflect, defend, or deny what you’re trying to communicate.It’s exhausting.It’s frustrating.And if you stay in it long enough, it can push you from agitation… to aggravation… to saying or doing something you’ll regret a few hours later.You know exactly who I’mMon, 27 Apr 2026 14:54:36http://bobzima.com/the-bob-blog/conversation-whack-a-molehttp://bobzima.com/the-bob-blog/life-is-a-game-of-plinkoHave you ever played Plinko?Of course you have—at a friend’s house, an arcade, or an amusement park. We all know that feeling: the anticipation as the disc drops, bouncing unpredictably from peg to peg on its way down.It’s fun—until the game starts to feel a little too familiar.Because in many ways, life is a game of Plinko.Whenever we anticipate an outcome, our mind starts playing its own version of the game. We “place our bet” on what we think—or hope—will happen. Then we watch as newSun, 19 Apr 2026 16:12:44http://bobzima.com/the-bob-blog/life-is-a-game-of-plinkohttp://bobzima.com/the-bob-blog/prioritization-it-s-not-a-ladder-it-s-a-balanceWhen it comes to prioritization, we treat it like a hierarchy—a totem pole, a ranking system, a numbered list.Real prioritization isn’t vertical. It’s not about what sits above or below. It’s about balance.The next time you find yourself trying to “prioritize”—let’s say, your life—consider this: Imagine a board. It could be square, round, oval—it doesn’t matter. Just picture it. Now place that board on a single balancing point—a fulcrum. Somehow, you manage to get it perfectly level. ThenSat, 18 Apr 2026 13:29:02http://bobzima.com/the-bob-blog/prioritization-it-s-not-a-ladder-it-s-a-balancehttp://bobzima.com/the-bob-blog/the-importance-of-informationWhen it comes to our mental wellness, everything begins with information—the raw material of our inner world.Every day, we are flooded with data. Conversations, books, therapy, social media, lived experiences—all of it pours into us like streams feeding a system. Our brains are designed to take in this information and begin a critical first step: creating awareness.Think of awareness as a large stainless steel vat.Into this vat flows information from everywhere—pipes carryingSun, 12 Apr 2026 15:06:44http://bobzima.com/the-bob-blog/the-importance-of-informationhttp://bobzima.com/the-bob-blog/info-and-action-anxiety-foesThere are two powerful “medications” for anxiety: Information and Action.Information.We’re constantly taking in data from friends, family, partners, coworkers, social media, even ChatGPT. Information isn’t the problem. In fact, it’s essential.What can become a problem is what we do—or don’t do—with that information. When we don’t process it through conversation—when we don’t talk it out with trusted people, including counselors—we risk letting unexamined data shape our thinking.We useWed, 27 May 2026 19:27:58http://bobzima.com/the-bob-blog/info-and-action-anxiety-foeshttp://bobzima.com/the-bob-blog/curiosity-and-gratitude-two-immediate-ways-to-deepen-connectionWhen it comes to building a deeper, more connected relationship, there are two things you can do right away to improve your satisfaction and strengthen intimacy.The first is curiosity. Be genuinely curious about the person you’re in a relationship with. Ask questions. Inquire. Invite them to share what they’re thinking, feeling, wanting, needing, and expecting.If something new is happening in their life—if they’re about to embark on an adventure or have just come through one—lean in. AskWed, 08 Apr 2026 16:40:05http://bobzima.com/the-bob-blog/curiosity-and-gratitude-two-immediate-ways-to-deepen-connectionhttp://bobzima.com/the-bob-blog/celebrate-the-winWhen it comes to healing, we need to celebrate the wins.As Chicago Cubs do, Fly  the W.Celebrating our wins builds self-confidence leading to advocate more frequently for ourselves and further fuels healing.When celebrating the wins, when paying honor to your progress you have made, complete the form below:When ______________________________________________________________ happened,                                                              SituationI used the strategySat, 04 Apr 2026 15:38:53http://bobzima.com/the-bob-blog/celebrate-the-winhttp://bobzima.com/the-bob-blog/revolving-conflict-through-communicationThe first step toward healthy, effective communication—and resolving conflict—is learning to advocate for yourself. This is your opportunity to clearly express what you’re thinking, feeling, wanting, needing, and expecting.Advocate–Collaborate–Negotiate is a simple but powerful communication strategy. It begins with advocacy: clearly informing another person of your needs and expectations. Without this step, meaningful collaboration and resolution simply can’t happen.To learn more about thisSat, 04 Apr 2026 14:54:14http://bobzima.com/the-bob-blog/revolving-conflict-through-communicationhttp://bobzima.com/the-bob-blog/what-is-motivation-reallyPeople ask me all the time, “How can I be more motivated?”I usually pause for a second—because I know I’m about to challenge how they think about motivation.Here’s the truth: Motivation is the meat of a sandwich. The two slices of bread? Inspiration and Outcomes. For motivation to work—really work—it needs both. On one side, you have inspiration: belief, faith, the sense that this is possible for me. On the other side, you have outcomes: the ability to see it, feel it, experience it beforeWed, 25 Mar 2026 15:27:32http://bobzima.com/the-bob-blog/what-is-motivation-reallyhttp://bobzima.com/the-bob-blog/anger-behavior-driven-by-emotionsWhen it comes to anger, most people make two key mistakes: Assuming Anger is an Emotion and Believing Anger is the “Bad Guy”Let us set the record straight and bust these myths right now.Correction 1: Anger Is NOT an EmotionAnger is a series of behaviors that do two things:Express hurt and fear (the emotions fueling anger behaviors).Expel elevated physiological energy or sensations.People often say, “I feel angry”. What they are really describing are the physical sensations triggered byMon, 23 Mar 2026 16:08:39http://bobzima.com/the-bob-blog/anger-behavior-driven-by-emotions